I refuse


We found each other three weeks ago.

The song perfectly describes how I feel when I’m with you. When my heart’s all fuzzy and warm and you’re laughing in my arms, nothing feels better than that.

listen here

When I first met you, it didn’t even cross my mind we would share such good times, let alone end up being so close.

From going out to fancy dinners (with black cats as waitresses) to lying next to each other in my bed while laughing and enjoying ourselves.

The movie we went to was terrible, but we had a blast. And without a seductive British accent but my own, I can tell you that no movie could be boring with us two in there. I still have no idea how my hand ended up on your leg.

I enjoyed every night we spent out till late. Green looks so pretty on you. You were gorgeous in both my flannel and my T-shirt, and I wish I could’ve seen you wear my clothes more often.

You won at Rummikub, but I am hopeful we will rematch sometime. If you keep being so clumsy, you might need another foot massage under the table while we’re playing.

We held each other in the dark.

We felt each other’s gentle hands.

We maintain the most addicting eye contact.

We playfully tease and mess around.

The soft kisses I stole from here and there, and your joyful laughter that I slowly fell in love with made me impatient to see you again.

What I like the most about it all is that everything happened so naturally, even though the way we met was so unexpected. We know who we have to thank for that.

I had to put a stop to it, for our greater good together. If it’s meant to be, I assure you this will only be temporary.

For the same greater good, you’ll have to make up your mind. I know how getting used to someone can be. You’ll want them there even if they’re unhealthy for you. They make you overthink, they make you question their true intentions, they stop appreciating you as much as they should, they stop caring completely, but you’ll still want to stick around.

That’s why the comfort zone is a dangerous place. There will come a time when you will need to decide. And staying is a decision too.

Nothing is certain, but isn’t life supposed to be like that? If we knew all the plot twists to our story, we would be terribly bored and disappointed.

If something truly matters to you, you give it a try, you believe in it.

Leap… Because I’ll be there to catch you. And I’ll be there to protect you from all the scary dogs, cats, and pigeons. I’ll distract them by playing with them, except for the pigeons. I don’t like those either.

Love is a terrifying feeling. It’s like a rollercoaster that’s lost control, but with trust, loyalty, and commitment, the ride suddenly becomes a thrill.

Or stay… In which case I cannot continue treating you like my significant other.

The Sunday you asked me to go out, just the two of us, I was over the moon. A few hours into it and you were texting him again. As it turned out, you had made up, and my heart dropped to the ground.

I can’t be with someone who’s half involved with someone else. I don’t want someone who is constantly giving their attention to someone else. I want a woman just for myself, a woman who’s going to care and give me their all.

I’m proud of the man I’ve become, and I know the right partner will see me for who I am and be incredibly happy with me.

While you cannot fully get to know someone in three weeks, you can definitely get an idea about who they are, especially if they put in the effort to show you.

I don’t believe in the notion of time when it comes to meeting someone new you like. The right person is both right and ready, and if they’re not ready for you, then they are not the right person.

I gave you my time. I gave you a lot of my attention. I showed you the kind of person I am, and what I would be like as your boyfriend. We did things just friends wouldn’t do.

When you choose your partner, you’re choosing your eating companion for about 100 holidays, your best friend, your therapist, and someone whose day you are going to hear about 20,000 times over.

If you believe in what you could have with him more than in what we could have together, then it means that I was wrong. What I thought was something special didn’t really mean much to you, which I still refuse to believe, but actions speak louder than words.

Teaching me how to ice-skate and swim, were they just empty promises?

Only time will tell.

If they weren’t, hurry. We’ve got that Christmas fair to get to, and the weather’s getting colder. Your hands will miss my warmth.

If you too felt the same connection I did, prove it to me.

This was the beginning of a breathtaking love story, but the pencil is between your fingers now.

Gracefully write the next chapter or, simply, The End.

P.S. If I ever send you this, listen closely to the song below:

And you can stand right there if you want
But I’m going on
To a place in the sand that’s nice and warm
And I’m sure they’ll have a place for you too

listen here

☔ Here, have this umbrella for a rainy day. If you would like to support me, please share my story with your friends and loved ones.

This post was previously published on medium.com.


The post I refuse appeared first on The Good Men Project.

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