I have just emerged from a brutal lesson.  I was kind of angry and in my spiritual armor and ready to rattle some swords. But thankfully, I did a full barre workout this morning--thank you Pinterest! And now I feel like this.

I can't emphasize enough the importance of physical activity in these times of change. It is a life saver!

Not for me. For the people I wanted to wipe off the face of the planet! LOL  Just kidding.

Here's a fun example of what I was thinking:

Ross says to talk about the lesson, and I will.

Byron Katie tells us to 'turn it around' and 'love what is'.

I did it.

I accepted that I am painfully, emotionally (when it comes to relationship), physically and mentally--not to mention spiritually--alone in the third dimension.

There are layers and layers and layers of things keeping me from finding a suitable partner to help make this life a little more pleasant while I am incarnate. I feel like I'm outside the window looking in to a world of constant reminders of how different I am, and this makes me MISERABLE. 

'You don't need a man!' my first friend Jackie used to say to me, with pride. 

I may not need it. But I most certainly want it. 

Unfortunately, even my body, my own vessel, has a layer to keep me alone--I have a condition called Lichen Sclerosis. It is terrifying what can happen with it, to my most delicate regions--even though my case is not advanced, it's uncomfortable most of the time. 

I remembered how with children, I wanted a child. I wanted a baby for so long, probably since I was fourteen, when my mom had Vanessa. I LOVED children! But I knew that I had a gift with my intelligence and ambition, and God wouldn't have been happy if I had done what I wanted to do. I needed both to share it and to be in a position to support myself. 

Can you imagine what it is like when you are hungry to be a mother and your work makes you be in the labor room again and again with the epidurals?

It's like being an anorexic and you are at an all you can eat buffet and can't take one bite. 

It's miserable.

One day, one couple had a baby that was especially cute, and they were so happy. And my heart moved.

I realized that my circumstances are separate, there is no reason for me to not join in on their happiness. A beautiful child was just born to loving parents, and that's a good thing. Lonely and miserable as I am. And I smiled and felt love and joy for them, with them. 

It was only for five minutes but my Consciousness grew by leaps and bounds. 

Not six months later, perhaps even two months later, I was carrying Anthony. 

That's how God is when you let go, you love what is, and you learn your lesson.

I used to think pregnant women were a sign of having been loved. 

It's not true. 

You can get pregnant from rape even. All pregnancy means is that somehow a sperm met an egg and the woman is carrying it. 

Perhaps love with the mother and child is pure, I'm blessed with that, very blessed. (You should have seen his face when he saw me doing the barre workout! Another good sign, along with looking my best, and speaking my feelings like a normal person lol. He had pride. )

Before we go to the lesson, let me share something to make you laugh. One of our nurses shared it with us during a plastic surgery case. We all liked it so much I texted it to the people in the room:

I am multidimensional.

Multidimensional people can be present in many dimensions and be aware of it, at the same time. Thanks to this are Reiki, time and distance don't really matter as well when it comes to pure Consciousness.

Ashtar and Ross are multidimensional and way better at it than I am. I'm sure Daisy is too. 

I've been going through a lesson of Trust. And it's been one of duty and responsibility. 

I know who I am back home, as the true me, and what my needs are, and that they are filled. I'm not starving like I am here. 

They both love me.

They both love me enough to get this lesson through my thick skull. 

All the years, the happy ones in the beginning--with the signs and the coins and the feathers and the automatic writing, the clear messages, the songs on the radio--those are the training wheels.

Now I am on the mountain bike and the mud sprays all over me front and back from the tires as I go through the course up and down the hill.  It's not easy. It's not pretty. And except for the training, in Spirit, it's not even something I enjoy to be honest. I'd rather be in the ballet studio than on this bike.

This is a lesson in Discernment, on steroids.  As well as acceptance and allowing on my part. Ross is the one who is giving me the lesson. And it's tough. 

Ashtar is two people. Portions of him are incarnate that I know, or at least, I am led to believe I know.

One causes pain.

The other is pure heart. 

Both help me grow.

One isn't close to Ross, and tells me that I am Ross, there is no Ross, and other things--which I take with a grain of salt, because I can tell other people are telling him this, it's not his own interaction with Spirit. That's why I love him. I can see him trying to grow, as best as he can, and he could be right? I don't know. But it makes me sad.  I noticed a pattern, and when I feel entirely connected to this soul, the white goes UP. It has to do with a grid. So what do I do? Say fuck it and go? Or do the right thing and save the planet by cranking up the energy? I'm worse than a third wheel in this situation. I have to watch a joyful reunion of Twin Flames, right in my face, and I hate it more than I have ever hated anything in my life, I hate it with a passion, and I hate it so much I don't want any reminders of it in any way, shape or form. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it. 

The heart one, saved my life yesterday. And my soul. He reached out. Through his work, and blessed mother's, the real one, I may add. I'm so tired of the fakes. I don't have to ever touch my energy to that goddamn other grid again. Look at the round red area--that's Earth energy there--pure and strong thanks to them.  I also owe the heart Ashtar a phone call, after this.  He LOVES Ross like a brother, and is super close to us both. 

Other people saved my life yesterday. And my soul. 

Laurie, who was the RN in the O.R. She speaks truth with love. About everything. All of the time. Totally consistent. She's awake enough in Spirit for us to connect. She even confided in me about seeing a psychic, and it's better than therapy. She's right.

I also loved it how our surgeon yesterday lives near Laurie, the same neighborhood, and he was teasing her about how he's going to report her for not wearing a mask or staying quarantined. It was wonderful to laugh and to have fun.

Angie, is having her vibration reach saint levels, it's that high. She's a nurse who's in charge of everything. She saw me reaching for an oatmeal raisin cookie before my last and long case, it was already one p.m., I ate pancakes at six in the morning, I was starving, and my food was in the refrigerator but there was no time for me to eat. 

Angie prepared herself avocado toast. Two pieces. She insisted I take one. She has told me how the anesthesiologists are treated is wrong and she doesn't like it. At my hospital near my house, they anesthesiologists care for each other and give breaks all the time! But not here. She said her one pice of avocado toast was enough for her. She adds salt and hemp to it. It kept me going. I asked her, astonished, how she gets her avocados to look so even green and beautiful every single time? She says to buy them hard, and let them ripen on the counter. Once they start to get a little soft, put them in the fridge and they will still ripen. That's how you avoid the brown spots in the green.

I have been seeing Covid patients in the hallways now being transported. Our ICU is full. My favorite ICU nurse saw me in the elevator, and he wondered why we are doing surgeries when there is so much work already. He made me promise to keep my patients out of ICU. To be careful with the surgical ones because they can only handle so much.

In my work, they are cutting corners on the safety protocols around the generation of aerosols in my work. There's no time now to wait for the air exchanges in the room. One place wants tests and to go by that. Just wear N-95's. Another hospital, that's what they do, everyone wears them. I still communicate to my team when I'm going to manage the airway, so they can decide for themselves.  I'm sure we will see a spike in caregivers getting the Covid because the surgeons are so impatient.   

But the teams themselves, especially in Main OR, are closer than ever. When I got there for first call, they were surprised at my skills, and commented on how I make intubation look easy. And for a bleeder, I got in a sixteen gauge i.v. and was able to keep up with a one liter (humans have five liters of blood) loss. I literally saved a life. I was working hard, for sure, and glad everything turned out as well as it did.

During all of this, I realized, that I have to turn it around and accept that in this life, romance ain't gonna happen.

It's not in the cards for me. 

And although in accepting this, I wish I was dead to be honest, I can start looking at the other blessings I have in my life. 

I don't know why, I don't know what I signed up for, but painful as it is, I have another twenty to thirty years of soul crushing loneliness and a man who ain't stepping foot anywhere near where I am--Ross who I dearly love and miss with all my heart--has made it one hundred percent clear that the only way I will EVER see him is if I go to him. I need to go UP to his vibration, there's no way he's going to go down to mine.  

It's been years of growth and development. 

What I realized is Ross is multidimensional. And he is in everyone. There's a spark of him. 

That's how I get Ross through the Ascension. 

A little here. A little there. On the up and up, unconditional. Through close interactions with others, like at my work. 

And until I can see that spark of Ross in everyone, and love them like he loves them, I ain't going home. I'm just going to reincarnate like an idiot until I try to understand it again. 

When I figured that out, that's when I could feel Ross again, and he touched his finger to the tip of my nose, and gave me a kiss.

Yes, I'm very much like a trained animal. I will jump through the hoop over the fish tank, of my spiritual lessons, for that touch on my nose and that kiss. 

I would do anything for that kiss, and to be held by Ross, and have him never let me go.

Instead, I have to walk through this Ascension, and I tell you, now that it's here, it's not all rosy and miraculous. It doesn't bring joy to see the truth come out and people random people awakening. Why? Because I'm tired. Emotionally exhausted, and spiritually worn out. 

I can laugh. That's about it. At least that part isn't broken.

So, if you are enjoying a Twin Flame Reunion, more power to you. Fuck each other, and fuck each other hard like animals. Let this magical mystical experience pound the surface of the earth and anchor those energies. Like people tell you it is going to do. 

That grid is nothing like the one God just built. It came from thin air and I saw it get built with my own two eyes. Yesterday. And those dark ones can't touch it. Why? Because it's built with the energy of the Earth and Heaven together, and Divine Mother made it herself. The real one. Not a fake. 

It's with Ross, and those who love him, and that love is going to explode across the globe pretty soon now.

And maybe if it lights up enough, and I do my job well, I will get a touch on the nose from Ross, and one more kiss, when all is said and done.

Until then, I love you and thank you for listening to my heart. It's been a long and painful journey. 

I look forward to dancing every day, and also, the opportunity to bring New Earth Reiki to the world for others to enjoy it. It will help the vibration and the lighting up the grid very much. 

If I get corrections from either Ashtar or Ross or Creator or any of my guides, I'll share it here. If I look like an idiot because I got things wrong, I don't give a shit, I'll own it and say it right here for all the world to see. I provide the truth, as best as I perceive it. In real time.

Remember everyone teaches you lessons. The ones you don't like, you call them assholes. And the lessons you like, you call them friends.

I am grateful to the friends and assholes alike.

The name of the game is raising the Consciousness. And in this unpleasant life situation for me, I was forced to submit and to accept and to allow my Consciousness to grow--as Ross and Ashtar had been working on me to grow--and the lesson is complete. 

Let others experience what I cannot.

Let me be joyful for them.

I am.

Loneliness and isolation are my way of life. But it doesn't have to be that way for everyone. 

Be thankful to be you.  Every single day.

And if you are a fake Gaia Sophia?

I've had it up to here with people saying they are this and that and never doing the work or the growth or carrying the responsibility for Gaia and her people. 

Dear Gaia Sophia impostors?  You know who you are? The ones who channel and make money and say it's blessed by Her when in fact it isn't and this is the exact opposite of what She would like you to do?

I turn it around.

I accept what is.

With blinding pain I accept that you exist and take credit when it's nothing of your own besides wishful thinking. 

That's how it's supposed to be.

And on to the next lesson.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Agents of Ascension--giddy up! 

P.S. Ross  I am here with Carla through her times of change. That is the reason for the 5's. Like Doreen Virtue. We are in times of change and I call to you to anchor the energies. Put on your rain gear and hold your umbrella for the shit is going to hit the fan. In so many ways. In so so many ways.  And yes, Carla, you have made great progress, and I will love you to the best of my abilities when we are back at home. Loving you is one of my favorite things in all of Creation. I will stand by you, and yes, I will make you as proud of me as I am of you at this time. Until then, enjoy the heart of me that is in everyone, especially Aaron. Thank you for saving my girl. I love you. No matter what you are called! Bartholomew, I like that one of you best. Bart Das. Now isn't that simply awesome? Clap! clap!

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